Thursday, December 30, 2004

Gas Station Top Off

I was at the gas station the other day, and when the attendant (in New Jersey, all stations are full serv) topped off the tank in order to make my total a round dollar amount, I couldn't help but wonder, what if I didn't want it topped off?

What if, I was totally prepared to pay $8.17 for my gas and didn't want it rounded off to $8.50? It seems to me that gas stations have been getting away with this for ages. They're adding about 5-10% to their revenue by my calculations from topping off people's gas tanks. That's gas we didn't ask for.

Then again, for convenience sake it makes a little sense. Perhaps at the deli they should top off too. Instead of a "half pound of ham" perhaps we should ask for "five dollars worth."

Clubs Part 2

A while back, I complained about not getting into a club after some guy who was part of the group I was with backstabbed me.

Well, once again, New York City clubs didn't let me down. Two weeks ago, the first place I tried to meet my (mixed gender group of) friends at didn't let me in because I was male and "the ratio was bad." Then the place I ended up at didn't let my friends in when they tried to meet me because it was "too crowded." Fortunately, as they say, the third time was the charm and we ended up drinking at the same place. Eventually. In some ways this was pretty damn funny. In other ways, it was just pretty damn irritating.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Ancient Art of War



The Ancient Art of War, a PC Games series by Broderbund Software was one of the best games on the market. It's the precursor to the real-time strategy games like Warcraft or Age of Empires.

A little background - Broderbund and Sierra Games used to be the kings of PC Gaming. Broderbund had Carmen Sandiego, Ancient Art of War and Print Shop to its name. Remember Carmen Sandiego? She had a television show! (Sierra, as an aside, had several series, such as King's Quest, Police Quest, Space Quest and Leisure Suit Larry).

Ancient Art of War is due for a remake. I think it may have been ahead of its time. You would move characters from an overhead map until they confront enemy soldiers, at which point you would switch to a zoomed in version of the battle. Your opponent would be one of six historical generals, each with different characteristics (as I recall, Crazy Ivan, Napoleon, Athena and Sun Tzu were all options). Your soldiers were either archers (ranged combat), barbarians (close combat) or knights (intermediate). With retro games all the rage, this game HAS to be brought back!!!

It's the End of the Year! Time for a "Best of 2004" List!!!

Just kidding. I hate these.

Start Your Own Free Portal Services Company!

I've noticed a lot of similarities between all these portal service companies (ie Yahoo!, Google) and also the ISP's (AOL, MSN) so I decided to post what seems to be the essentials to starting your own!

1. Search Engine
. This seems to be the fundamental element. You can disguise your search engine as a "directory" but you'll probably need something to help the average person find their "naked pictures of [insert current popular young female celebrity here]."

2. Free Web-Based Email
. Get a good spam filter and a ton of storage and you're rolling!

3. Browser Toolbar Utility
. Include a pop up blocker for those people not using Mozilla or Windows XP SP 2. The toolbar has to include at least a few mysterious icons and a search field. It would also be a good idea to include your logo on this toolbar.

4. Instant Messenger Service
. Also known as "IM" service. Start one of these so people can communicate with each other using obscure abbreviations and smile faces. In fact, if you can design a cartoon face set of emotions to substitute for the generic ":)" you'll be that much further ahead of the competition.

5. Personalized "My" Page. This page should have as many little custom boxes as possible. Let people customize it so they can have instant access to sports scores, weather, stock prices, news items and HOROSCOPES of their choice. You can use this to connect to your other portal services as well.

Optional:

The following services are optional to your portal services company. You could do without them but it is HIGHLY recommended that you pick at least three of these five and add them to your blooming company.

1. Desktop Search Program
. This is the new frontier of portal services. If you could create an all-encompassing desktop search program that also integrates with the operating system and your internet search engine, you'll be in business. Be careful!!! Make sure you have a plan to reassure users that your program isn't going to spill their computer's contents all over the internet. Then make sure that your reassurances are true.

2. Calendar
. If it can sync with a PDA or Outlook, it would be better.

3. Web Hosting. You're already offering 3GB of web based email service, what's a few more GB for web sites?

4. Blogging Service
. Goes hand in hand with web hosting. Censor your blogs if you like, but if that's the case, have a reassurance plan to your users. Perhaps hire the same PR people who will get you out of the "Desktop Search Program" jam.

5. Groups/Newsgroups service. Because who really knows how to use newsgroups? Make it userfriendly and the people will come.

Finally, a word about advertising. You say, "Blogman, if I'm giving all this stuff away for free, how does my portal services company make any money?" (Yes, you are giving all the above services for free). Blogman says, "Advertising. The future is advertising."

Look at every one of these portal services as an opportunity for advertising. By offering services you'll get more subscribed users. Then, you can charge advertisers higher and higher rates as your market share increases. As mentioned, the search engine is the centerpiece of this. Anytime someone uses your service, there should be ads around.

Good luck starting your own portal services company! Remember, it's a tough market out there but if you're successful enough, maybe Microsoft will try to take you down! Once you start getting hate mail from Bill Gates, you'll know you've made it. I can't believe I wrote all this for free!

Monday, December 27, 2004

December 26, 2004 New England Patriots "versus" New York Jets

Well, we probably could have asked for half our money back since one team didn't show up to this game. The Patriots dominated this game. In two games versus the Pats, the Jets have put up 14 points. Last week, Miami scored 29. Apparently Chad Pennington didn't get the memo until the fourth quarter -- Santana Moss and he are on the same team!!!

On sports radio the fans are berzerk. But the fans were insane to begin with. One guy is clamoring for Quincy Carter!

Look, they played their worst game of the season and they picked a bad time to do it. The team isn't that bad.

While the Jets were awful last week, this talk of "beating elite teams" is a load of crap. Nobody has beaten the elite teams, that's why they're elite. If you look at these elite teams: New England, Pittsburgh and Philly, you'll find that of the four losses that these three teams have total, two are to Pittsburgh, one to Baltimore (in week 2) and one to Miami! Look at other AFC playoff contenders versus "elite teams" - Baltimore (1-3), Indianapolis (0-1), Buffalo (0-2, Pittsburgh next wk), and Denver and San Diego haven't even played any of these teams. The term "elite team" has become a cliche in New York the last few weeks and I have no idea where it began.

One other thing, everyone is talking about the Bills. Blah, blah, blah Bills so great, etc. As I recall, a few weeks ago, the Patriots destroyed the Bills. But look at the opposite in perception - the Bills are hot, "nobody" wants to play them but the Jets are "cold" and can't beat anyone. If Buffalo gets into the playoffs you have my guarantee that they will not beat New England.

Enjoy some full color photos.








Thursday, December 23, 2004

December 19, 2004 - New York Jets vs. Seattle Seahawks

Some things I saw. I decided not to include images of the man standing in front of us sticking his hands down his wife's pants. It was quite gross.










Sunday, December 19, 2004

The Defense Department Discovers Mail Merge

Sort of a sad thing to say, but how personal are these letters?

Time Magazine Person of the Year

It's been announced.

This fine fellow gets to join distinguished company such as:

Adolf Hitler (1938)
Joseph Stalin (1939, 1942)
Nikita Khrushchev (1957)
Ayatullah Khomeini (1979)
The Computer (1982)
Earth (1988)
"The Two Bushes" (1989)
and himself (2000)

Looking through all the "people of the year" it seems that if you were a President, and not ever "person of the year," you stink. Also, there haven't been that many "women of the year," although back in 1975, "American Women" won the award...

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Vince Carter to the Nets

It's sort of ironic. Vince Carter wants out of lower profile Canada so he can go to the USA and be a bigger star. So what happens? He goes to New Jersey, which is lower profile to New York, across the river.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Top of (most of) the Charts

A few vanity searches reveals that this blog is #1 on Yahoo! and MSN searches for "Kitchen Fresh Blog."

But a vanity google search reveals that this is #5. Google owns Blogger, who hosts this page! Come on, show a little love!!!

(Maybe I'll post some screenshots of proof...)

This News Story Made Me Laugh

Since there's nothing going on in my life worth reporting right now, I'll just relay some things from the news.

This story says that Colin Powell has expressed support for Kofi Annan, UN Secretary General, who has been under a lot of pressure lately.

I found this funny because...

...a guy who's quitting is expressing support for Kofi Annan (I wonder if that's Powell's personal opinion, or a Bush-approved opinion)

...it reminds me of when an sports team owner or GM says an embattled coach will be retained for the rest of the year and has his full support/vote of confidence. Then the coach gets fired at the end of the season. Did I mention that George Bush used to own a baseball team?

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Washington Nationals No More?


Desperate to find a reason to post an image, I finally found one. If this story is true, this might be the last time you see the Washington Nationals home page for a while. Pretty embarrassing if you ask me...

And one of the reasons I don't post a lot of images is that I'm too lazy. Let's also note that this is an undoctored image of the Nationals website (http://washington.nationals.mlb.com) which I believe is © 2004 MLB Advanced Media, L.P. All rights reserved.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Mets Talk

The Mets are an interesting team. For all their talk about trying to get younger, they passed up on 28 year old Vladimir Guerrero because of concerns about his back. They sign 31 year old Mike Cameron instead. This year, they're now chasing 38 year old Moises Alou. Their injury concerns? Seem to be gone, since they're after Magglio Ordonez and Richie Sexson, both who missed time to injury last year. Oh, and no problem giving Pedro Martinez and his cranky right arm a four year contract!

Mets fans have to be wondering what's going on with their team.

(Arizona fans also have to wonder what's happening out in the southwest US, since the team claims they don't have enough money to keep Randy Johnson, then go out on the free agent market to get Russ Ortiz and Troy Glaus)

Yay, I've decided to write a post about Scott Peterson!

You say, "It's about time!"

The jury in the Scott Peterson case has recommended the death penalty. Now a morass of appeals awaits. Super!

This part of the article made me think of a simpler time:

"Cheers went up outside the courtroom as the jury announced its decision after 11 1/2 hours of deliberations over three days."

Let's go have ourselves a hangin'!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Jealousy

Here's one suggested by a friend. Thanks, friend (you know who you are)!

This friend related to me that he once met one of his girlfriend's friends who seemed to hit on him. His girlfriend was there and noticed the overtures as well and was not appreciative.

This made me think about different gender reactions to these scenarios. Do you think this is true?

Scenario 1
A guy's friends tell him his girlfriend is hot. His response, "Hell yeah!"

Scenario 2
A girl's friends tell her that her boyfriend is hot. Her response, "Stay away!"

Scenario 3
A strange guy tries hitting on another guy's girlfriend. Stranger punched in jaw.

Scenario 4
A strange girl tries hitting on another girl's boyfriend. "No worries, he's all mine."

Are these realistic reactions?

Three Alarm Wake-Up

This scenario really reminds me of something out of a television show.

A person I know relayed this story to me and gave me permission to discuss it on my blog.

This person's significant other is the first one to wake up in the morning, but requires three alarm clocks to do so. Only on the third alarm does the s/o actually wake up! So this person I know was frustrated by being woken up by three alarms in the morning and decided to preemptively shut off the first two alarms and prevent them from ringing. Of course, this measure leads to the s/o wondering why they continually oversleep the first two alarms.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Secret Santa Web Service

This was such a good idea, I hesitated before putting it on this blog.

A multi-product shopping site, such as amazon.com or walmart.com could institute a great secret santa service for organizations or families doing a secret santa during the holiday season.

First, each person in the group signs in and lists a bunch of items they want. Then they list the amount that they're willing to spend on the secret santa item they will be sending.

A computer randomly assigns each person a secret santa recipient. Then it randomly assigns (within the price range) a gift from that recipient's list. Then it ships the item off and charges each person in the group the appropriate amount. It would save all the time of finding out what the person wants, drawing the names out of a hat, and having to actually go shopping. No effort at all! It may not be the complete holiday spirit but it sure is in the American spirit!!

Updated 12/11/04: Another great feature of this service could be if you participate in numerous secret santa circles, such as family, office, it could coordinate to ensure that you don't ge the same gift twice! Once Amazon perfects their "you might like this too" technology, one could imagine a scenario where you list a few things and then the secret santa bot will be able to "think" of something else on its own for you.

Embarrassed Yankees Fan

The last time I wore my Yankees "World Series 2000 Champions" T-shirt was over two months ago. I've been too embarrassed to wear it since this past October.

What are the odds of finding a seeing eye dog in a bookstore?

The other day I saw a dog inside Barnes and Noble, and thought "I didn't know they allowed pets here."

Then I thought, "Must be a seeing eye dog."

Then I thought, "I'm such an idiot. Why would there be a seeing eye dog in a bookstore?"

Which makes me think that should be a saying, "That's as likely as finding a seeing eye dog in a bookstore."

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

I'm Too Soft

I read this article about businesses suffering because of the NHL lockout and I felt bad for some of the disparaging comments I made about hockey earlier. I'm just too soft.

Stop with the steroids!

Today, President Bush said that a stronger stance needs to be taken on steroids in baseball. For crying out loud, can these politicians stop with that already? Bush was a former baseball owner! He is just as guilty as the rest of the owners for turning a blind eye to the steroids issue and raking in the dollars. It's been baseball's dirty little secret.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Why I Love the FAN (continued)

Reason #6931

A WFAN caller told Mike and the Mad Dog that the Yankees would be able to get rid of Jason Giambi by trading him to the Mets.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Sports Controversy

Consider:

NFL comes under fire when star wide receiver does silly promo with nearly naked television star. NFL is bailed out when...

NBA stars, after having beer thrown on them by fans, incite a riot by entering the stands and fighting. NBA is bailed out when...

MLB superstar grand jury testimony is released by unknown person, revealing that game's best hitter is using steroids. MLB is bailed out when...

NHL or College Football? I believe it's your turn for a bail out.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Hey Senator! Don't you have better things to do?

Just one man's opinion.

Don't Underestimate Jerry Bruckheimer

A lesson I learned a few years ago when I said, "CSI looks like a stupid show."

Now this, National Treasure is the #1 movie for the third week in a row. But I'm not surprised because I never underestimate that man's projects.

Just When I Think it's Safe to Root for the Jets

Well, they keep winning... BIG BIG BIG game next week vs. Pittsburgh.

Here are some other things we've learned today in the NFL

-Indy can sure score
-If the Super Bowl champ is not from the AFC it will be a major upset
-Teams that are not that good but have playoff chances: Rams, Falcons, Vikings
-Teams that are quite good: New England
-The Jets may make it to the playoffs with 11 wins after all
-Worst divisions in football - NFC West, NFC South

Just When I Thought it was Safe to Root for the Knicks

They lose back-to-back games to the Magic and Bobcats. Here they are, back at .500. Well, at least the NBA season doesn't start until April.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Where are they now? [Special Dictators overthrown by a guy named Bush edition]

Today's episode, Panama's Manuel Noriega.

Double Standard?

Does all this info about steroids and Barry Bonds represent a double standard? For example, it appears the general consensus is that everything Bonds has accomplished is now worth nothing. But Mark McGwire admitted to using androstenedione, and although it is legal, it is now banned by Major League Baseball. Nobody questions his records. Just observing.

Google Instant Messenger

Looks like Microsoft's trying to join the Google/Yahoo battle by introducing a blogging service. What do you think the chances of a Google Instant Messenger rearing its head are?

Another funny thing, the Microsoft blogs can have their content censored. Do you think that means the Google IM program will have context based ads?

Thursday, December 02, 2004

The Tick Cartoon Show

Do you remember the cartoon show, "The Tick"? That show was hilarious. Why isn't it on DVD yet?

If you don't remember it, here's a link.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Ever Notice That Some People Have Faces That Look Like Animals?

see title for discussion topic.

For example, some people might look like a woodchuck or a bear. I wish I had some photos to post that would better illustrate this.

Fashion Tip # 4059

Very few people can wear a blazer and blue jeans and make it look normal.