w. t. f.

Why does a google search for "how long does it take to read one page of text" yield as the NUMBER ONE result a site with the title "Does Penis Size Matter? The End of the Penis Size Debate"

I just want to know how long this wedding speech will be!!

Self-Google

More self googles...

A search for "Maxophil" reveals that this blog is the only place to find that word on google. Same for Rhomatin, Zactomax and Cylmytrix.

A search for Blogman has yours truly coming in 9th.

Kitchen Fresh Blog places sixth and amazingly, a search for pistons, mules and haiku nets four results! I thought this blog was the only place to find all three of those.

Easy learning

Learning - Made easy!!

The question: "How long has that tomato sauce been in the fridge?"

One quick twist of the wrist gave me my answer.

Too long -- and I learned there is such thing as "too long" on Prego.

Melvin Mora

Injured day to day
So I put him on the bench
Home run first game back

Fridays

With "haiku Fridays"
It is hard to write long posts
At times that can suck

Midnight

Right now is midnight
I wanted to sleep early
Now, too late for that

Traffic

Ever been driving and have some car cut you off, making you think less than decent thoughts about what you'd do to the driver if you could just wrap your hands around their neck?

Well, how about revenge in another way? AIM has the system of "warnings" where you warn questionable/harrassing users until their warning level reaches 100% and then their priviledges are denied. What if we could find a way to implement the warning system to driving?

Imagine... You're driving down the highway and some dope pulls a crazy maneuver. All the cars around warn him using some sort of gadget and instant ticket! That would be so nice. Limits could also be imposed, of course, to prevent jerks from just warning everyone in sight, and to prevent one person from warning another to the point of a ticket.

Drug Names

Do you ever wonder how they come up with drug names?

Some seem to make sense - they're goofy versions of words that sort of explain what they do: lipitor, claritin, levitra...

But what about cialis, celebrex, zyrtec, xanax, paxil and countless others?

I saw an ad for a drug but it never said what it did. All the people were so happy. I want to be happy. Is that drug for me? How can I know if they don't say what problem the happy people had?

The job in the marketing dept of a pharmaceutical must be great!

--
"Let's call it... Maxophil"

"Nah, that will never sell. We want people to take our hair growth pill."

"You have any suggestions?"

"How about Rhomatin?"

"Rhomatin? That's a stupid name."

"Well, we could call it Zactomax. More Z's and X's make it cool."
--
Or do you think they have a wheel with a bunch of syllables? Maybe it's like those lottery balls.

"Hmm... our newest pain medication needs a name. Start the lotto machine!"

"First ball up is... Cyl-"

"Second ball up is... -my-"

"Third ball up is... -trix"

"The new name will be Cylmytrix. For all your pain needs, take Cylmytrix! We'll put tons of happy people in the ad and you'll just HAVE to take it."

Mules

Aren't mules kind of weird?

Let me get this straight. A male donkey and female horse can actually mate and form offspring.

Aren't they different species?

I thought nature is supposed to have safeguards against this. Put a sheep and pig together and you don't get fat, wooly, round creature. If you throw a goat and a cow into the same pen I don't think you can see some horned milking machine. At least the mule (or its counterpart, the hinney) is sterile! I guess that's the only safeguard.

More disturbing is that it's not just a horse and donkey that can be combined. Any of the equid species can get it on (want a striped donkey?)

As I write this, I googled, "Can a lion and a tiger mate?" Much to my chagrin, they apparently can! I used to think if you put a lion and a tiger in a pen you'd just get a dead lion or dead tiger. But now it turns out you could get a tiglon? Or a liger? Hopefully these things are sterile, at least... Sadly I don't know if the best answers will be found on the WWW for this question.

I would think however, that nature would prevent this sort of thing from happening... Overall I find this disturbing.

Moneyball

I just finished reading Moneyball. If you're a fan of baseball, you should read this book. Michael Lewis gives a glimpse inside the world of baseball executives and scouts. It also gives a look at the conventional wisdom of making a winning team, and how some people are starting to question it. One common misconception is that the book was somehow commissioned by Billy Beane of the Oakland A's. While he is certainly portrayed in a positive light, the book is not just about him and has some great player anecdotes. We also see conversations during the draft and Beane on the phone trying to work trades at the deadline. This is a must read if you're a fan of the game, and you may also want to turn to the Bill James Historical Abstract, which is referenced quite a bit in Moneyball.

AIM

Just upgraded to the new version of AIM which includes WeatherBug software. WeatherBug promises "life-saving" storm warnings. Life-saving? Are they serious?

Fleet Street

I’m a huge Star Trek fan but the addition of William Shatner to the Practice: Fleet Street cast seems like a big mistake. This guy overacts way too much and I can’t imagine a situation where he actually seems like a normal addition. Hard to judge a show before actually watching it but now each time I see Shatner I think of those cheesy Priceline comercials he used to do.

Hospital Roommates

To be read in "stand up comic voice"

Is there any concept stranger than hospital roommates? Now let's see -- we'll take two complete strangers and place them in the same room because they are both sick. Most people can't get along normally when they are healthy, now you're asking that in their most vulnerable situation that they now find a way to be cordial?

This also leads to some other potentially awkward social situations. For example, you're eating dinner while your roommate is hitting up a bed pan. That can't be appetizing. What if your roommate snores, or even worse, is insane? If you have some ailment that you're embarrassed about (maybe bumps/growths in funny places?) do you really want to disclose that to your doctor while some stranger is but a thin curtain away?

And you can't complain to the nurse about your roommate since they're always there and can hear through the previously mentioned curtain. I know it's a space saving maneuver but why didn't they just build smaller rooms?

Yes

Marv Albert is leaving the Knicks next season and according to the article, has "had some contact with the YES Network, where Ian Eagle still has one year remaining on his contract to call Nets games."

Ian Eagle is a great play-by-play man, as is Mike Breen (Albert's likely successor on MSG). But is there any match in sports better than the YES network and Marv "Yes!" Albert?

How great would those promos be? You're watching.... YES!!!!

Pistons

Congratulations to the Detroit Pistons! I never imagined they would beat the Lakers in the NBA Finals, much less obliterate them. Had it not been for an amazing three point shot in Game 2, this might have been a sweep! Since I don't really like the Lakers (in particular Phil Jackson, Kobe, Shaq) this was great to see. However, while I don't like Shaq much, I felt kind of bad for him. He was playing great but the rest of his team just wasn't as quick as the Pistons. No matter, he has been to the finals enough times. One of the rare times I can think of where the team with the best individual player didn't win an NBA playoff series.

Pretty strange that the owner of the Pistons also owns the Tampa Bay Lightning, this year's Stanley Cup champs.

Jose Mesa

Thanks a ton!

.2 IP, 5 ER, 6 H, 1 BB vs Oakland

Birthday Party

This Birthday Party
Over one hundred invites
That's a lot of friends

Cover charge applies
Never been to a party
Like this one before

Does the cover mean
Cute girls will be attending
This Birthday Party?

Ha!

Do a google search
Use the term "blogman" for it
Number ten is me

Baseball

Yankees play tonight
I am going to the game
Hope the Yankees win

Hotel

Hotel made of ice
Do you think they need to get
Fire insurance?