The Defense Department Discovers Mail Merge

Sort of a sad thing to say, but how personal are these letters?

Time Magazine Person of the Year

It's been announced.

This fine fellow gets to join distinguished company such as:

Adolf Hitler (1938)
Joseph Stalin (1939, 1942)
Nikita Khrushchev (1957)
Ayatullah Khomeini (1979)
The Computer (1982)
Earth (1988)
"The Two Bushes" (1989)
and himself (2000)

Looking through all the "people of the year" it seems that if you were a President, and not ever "person of the year," you stink. Also, there haven't been that many "women of the year," although back in 1975, "American Women" won the award...

Vince Carter to the Nets

It's sort of ironic. Vince Carter wants out of lower profile Canada so he can go to the USA and be a bigger star. So what happens? He goes to New Jersey, which is lower profile to New York, across the river.

Top of (most of) the Charts

A few vanity searches reveals that this blog is #1 on Yahoo! and MSN searches for "Kitchen Fresh Blog."

But a vanity google search reveals that this is #5. Google owns Blogger, who hosts this page! Come on, show a little love!!!

(Maybe I'll post some screenshots of proof...)

This News Story Made Me Laugh

Since there's nothing going on in my life worth reporting right now, I'll just relay some things from the news.

This story says that Colin Powell has expressed support for Kofi Annan, UN Secretary General, who has been under a lot of pressure lately.

I found this funny because...

...a guy who's quitting is expressing support for Kofi Annan (I wonder if that's Powell's personal opinion, or a Bush-approved opinion)

...it reminds me of when an sports team owner or GM says an embattled coach will be retained for the rest of the year and has his full support/vote of confidence. Then the coach gets fired at the end of the season. Did I mention that George Bush used to own a baseball team?

Washington Nationals No More?

Desperate to find a reason to post an image, I finally found one. If this story is true, this might be the last time you see the Washington Nationals home page for a while. Pretty embarrassing if you ask me...

And one of the reasons I don't post a lot of images is that I'm too lazy. Let's also note that this is an undoctored image of the Nationals website (http://washington.nationals.mlb.com) which I believe is © 2004 MLB Advanced Media, L.P. All rights reserved.

Mets Talk

The Mets are an interesting team. For all their talk about trying to get younger, they passed up on 28 year old Vladimir Guerrero because of concerns about his back. They sign 31 year old Mike Cameron instead. This year, they're now chasing 38 year old Moises Alou. Their injury concerns? Seem to be gone, since they're after Magglio Ordonez and Richie Sexson, both who missed time to injury last year. Oh, and no problem giving Pedro Martinez and his cranky right arm a four year contract!

Mets fans have to be wondering what's going on with their team.

(Arizona fans also have to wonder what's happening out in the southwest US, since the team claims they don't have enough money to keep Randy Johnson, then go out on the free agent market to get Russ Ortiz and Troy Glaus)

Yay, I've decided to write a post about Scott Peterson!

You say, "It's about time!"

The jury in the Scott Peterson case has recommended the death penalty. Now a morass of appeals awaits. Super!

This part of the article made me think of a simpler time:

"Cheers went up outside the courtroom as the jury announced its decision after 11 1/2 hours of deliberations over three days."

Let's go have ourselves a hangin'!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jealousy

Here's one suggested by a friend. Thanks, friend (you know who you are)!

This friend related to me that he once met one of his girlfriend's friends who seemed to hit on him. His girlfriend was there and noticed the overtures as well and was not appreciative.

This made me think about different gender reactions to these scenarios. Do you think this is true?

Scenario 1
A guy's friends tell him his girlfriend is hot. His response, "Hell yeah!"

Scenario 2
A girl's friends tell her that her boyfriend is hot. Her response, "Stay away!"

Scenario 3
A strange guy tries hitting on another guy's girlfriend. Stranger punched in jaw.

Scenario 4
A strange girl tries hitting on another girl's boyfriend. "No worries, he's all mine."

Are these realistic reactions?

Three Alarm Wake-Up

This scenario really reminds me of something out of a television show.

A person I know relayed this story to me and gave me permission to discuss it on my blog.

This person's significant other is the first one to wake up in the morning, but requires three alarm clocks to do so. Only on the third alarm does the s/o actually wake up! So this person I know was frustrated by being woken up by three alarms in the morning and decided to preemptively shut off the first two alarms and prevent them from ringing. Of course, this measure leads to the s/o wondering why they continually oversleep the first two alarms.

Secret Santa Web Service

This was such a good idea, I hesitated before putting it on this blog.

A multi-product shopping site, such as amazon.com or walmart.com could institute a great secret santa service for organizations or families doing a secret santa during the holiday season.

First, each person in the group signs in and lists a bunch of items they want. Then they list the amount that they're willing to spend on the secret santa item they will be sending.

A computer randomly assigns each person a secret santa recipient. Then it randomly assigns (within the price range) a gift from that recipient's list. Then it ships the item off and charges each person in the group the appropriate amount. It would save all the time of finding out what the person wants, drawing the names out of a hat, and having to actually go shopping. No effort at all! It may not be the complete holiday spirit but it sure is in the American spirit!!

Updated 12/11/04: Another great feature of this service could be if you participate in numerous secret santa circles, such as family, office, it could coordinate to ensure that you don't ge the same gift twice! Once Amazon perfects their "you might like this too" technology, one could imagine a scenario where you list a few things and then the secret santa bot will be able to "think" of something else on its own for you.

Embarrassed Yankees Fan

The last time I wore my Yankees "World Series 2000 Champions" T-shirt was over two months ago. I've been too embarrassed to wear it since this past October.

What are the odds of finding a seeing eye dog in a bookstore?

The other day I saw a dog inside Barnes and Noble, and thought "I didn't know they allowed pets here."

Then I thought, "Must be a seeing eye dog."

Then I thought, "I'm such an idiot. Why would there be a seeing eye dog in a bookstore?"

Which makes me think that should be a saying, "That's as likely as finding a seeing eye dog in a bookstore."

I'm Too Soft

I read this article about businesses suffering because of the NHL lockout and I felt bad for some of the disparaging comments I made about hockey earlier. I'm just too soft.

Stop with the steroids!

Today, President Bush said that a stronger stance needs to be taken on steroids in baseball. For crying out loud, can these politicians stop with that already? Bush was a former baseball owner! He is just as guilty as the rest of the owners for turning a blind eye to the steroids issue and raking in the dollars. It's been baseball's dirty little secret.

Why I Love the FAN (continued)

Reason #6931

A WFAN caller told Mike and the Mad Dog that the Yankees would be able to get rid of Jason Giambi by trading him to the Mets.

Sports Controversy

Consider:

NFL comes under fire when star wide receiver does silly promo with nearly naked television star. NFL is bailed out when...

NBA stars, after having beer thrown on them by fans, incite a riot by entering the stands and fighting. NBA is bailed out when...

MLB superstar grand jury testimony is released by unknown person, revealing that game's best hitter is using steroids. MLB is bailed out when...

NHL or College Football? I believe it's your turn for a bail out.

Hey Senator! Don't you have better things to do?

Just one man's opinion.

Don't Underestimate Jerry Bruckheimer

A lesson I learned a few years ago when I said, "CSI looks like a stupid show."

Now this, National Treasure is the #1 movie for the third week in a row. But I'm not surprised because I never underestimate that man's projects.

Just When I Think it's Safe to Root for the Jets

Well, they keep winning... BIG BIG BIG game next week vs. Pittsburgh.

Here are some other things we've learned today in the NFL

-Indy can sure score
-If the Super Bowl champ is not from the AFC it will be a major upset
-Teams that are not that good but have playoff chances: Rams, Falcons, Vikings
-Teams that are quite good: New England
-The Jets may make it to the playoffs with 11 wins after all
-Worst divisions in football - NFC West, NFC South

Just When I Thought it was Safe to Root for the Knicks

They lose back-to-back games to the Magic and Bobcats. Here they are, back at .500. Well, at least the NBA season doesn't start until April.

Where are they now? [Special Dictators overthrown by a guy named Bush edition]

Today's episode, Panama's Manuel Noriega.

Double Standard?

Does all this info about steroids and Barry Bonds represent a double standard? For example, it appears the general consensus is that everything Bonds has accomplished is now worth nothing. But Mark McGwire admitted to using androstenedione, and although it is legal, it is now banned by Major League Baseball. Nobody questions his records. Just observing.

Google Instant Messenger

Looks like Microsoft's trying to join the Google/Yahoo battle by introducing a blogging service. What do you think the chances of a Google Instant Messenger rearing its head are?

Another funny thing, the Microsoft blogs can have their content censored. Do you think that means the Google IM program will have context based ads?

The Tick Cartoon Show

Do you remember the cartoon show, "The Tick"? That show was hilarious. Why isn't it on DVD yet?

If you don't remember it, here's a link.

Ever Notice That Some People Have Faces That Look Like Animals?

see title for discussion topic.

For example, some people might look like a woodchuck or a bear. I wish I had some photos to post that would better illustrate this.

Fashion Tip # 4059

Very few people can wear a blazer and blue jeans and make it look normal.

How Many Days After Thanksgiving Is It Okay To Ask How Someone's Thanksgiving Was?

As we returned from a long weekend, I began to wonder how long one has to ask his colleagues how their Thanksgiving was. I figure tomorrow (Wed) is about it. By Friday it's definitely too late to ask how someone's Thanksgiving was.

For some reason I think this might have been a bit on a television show. Like how soon after a normal weekend can you ask how a weekend was? It's perfectly natural to ask on Monday, and Tuesday can be fine, especially in the mornings. But by Wednesday, "How was your weekend?" is not a reasonable question. It's also too early for "What are you doing next weekend?" So what is a suitable Wednesday greeting? "How's your week so far?" I don't think so...

Can someone please let me know if I've totally ripped this bit off a tv show? It seems like a nice observation yet at the same time I have this total sense of deja vu.

Deja vu. The matrix just reset itself.

Two Words a Single Guy Hates to Hear

Today, I noticed that even if a woman (of similar age) that I have absolutely no romatic interest in says the words, "my boyfriend" it makes me wince. Hopefully it's just a psychological wincing and not an obvious physical flinch. I'm not sure why this happens. Some sort of carnal instinct?

Certainly in a bar, those two words are a big conversation killer for me. Oh, your boyfriend? Great... that's the last person I want to hear about. But this morning, I wasn't in a bar and it made me (figuratively) roll my eyes.

Do single women wince when they hear guys say "my girlfriend"? I suspect that single women might actually do the opposite -- raise their eyebrows and want even more information -- either for gossip or to figure out what kind of man they're really talking to.

Seinfeld/Superman ads

Does anyone have a link to those Seinfeld/Superman web-only tv ads? The link that used to work (http://www.americanexpress.com/jerry) no longer seems to function.

Greatest Hits Albums

To the popular music afficianado, there must not be any greater nemesis than the "Greatest Hits" album. "Hits" albums are great for marginal fans or people who have never been exposed to a band. They're like the appetizer sampler of music albums.

On the other hand, for uber-fans of any musical artist, they're an expenditure that's not worth making. If you've already got all the albums, why do you need a compilation of songs that you already have? The digital age of multiple playlists makes this worse since you can already make the new album track list out of existing songs.

What's worse is the making of a "Hits" album probably wasn't even the artist's choice in the first place. Most likely, it's standard practice to add a "Hits" album to a record contract since it's so easy to make and it's just like easy money.

Is it better if the "Hits" album has a few new tracks? I'm split on this one. If you're really a nutty fan, then it won't make a difference -- you'll want the album art and the whole piece to sit alongside your other music. But you could also be a serious enough fan to be upset that you need to buy an entire album to just get two or three songs. Then again, it's nice to get something new at all.

In some cases, these new songs are marginal -- check out Billy Joel's various Greatest Hits albums. "Night is Still Young" and "You're Only Human" are not some of his stronger works. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, however, had a teriffic song in "Mary Jane's Last Dance" on their "Hits" album.

Unfortunately, it appears that "Greatest Hits" albums are a reality in the music industry and it won't change anytime soon.

Spam text message?

I think I got a spam text message on my phone the other day. That's just what I need. I think it was spam, unless someone sent a really dirty message to the wrong person.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving from the folks (me) at KFB!

Cell Phone + Camera

When I first saw this knife I thought "That seems stupid!"

Then again, when I first saw a camera/cell phone, I thought it was stupid too.

Winners

Funny thing. I guess everybody loves a winner. Yay Bush!!

Ocean's 12

I enjoyed the movie Ocean's Eleven, but I have a feeling the upcoming Ocean's Twelve will not be a good one. Why? It's a sequel to a remake, and they're advertising it so heavily right now. When a movie's advertised this heavily in advance it always seems like it won't be a good one...

Jets Blog

Jets versus Browns

1:00pm - The Browns have lost three in a row and say "we deserve to win." But the Jets have lost three of four. Don't they also deserve to win?

1:08pm - Doug Brien misses a 43 yd FG. This reminds me of the game vs Buffalo they lost two weeks ago.

1:13pm - Jets defense forces a 3 & out. Maybe this isn't like the Buffalo game.

1:20pm - Jets tackle Suggs for a 4 yd loss, an incompete pass, then a near sack on Garcia. Not bad. Can the offense do anything?

1:25pm - Quincy Carter sacked again on third down. The punt results in a huge return. This game will be hard to watch if it's a defensive battle.

1:36pm - The Browns sack Carter again on a play action attempt at 3rd and 4. This isn't looking good.

1:41pm - There have been seven punts in the first quarter.

1:52pm - Cleveland scores a TD after moving through the Jets defense pretty handily. There was a questionable call of a late hit on the QB as well. Cleveland 7, Jets 0.

2:07pm - Neither team is playing well, but now Curtis Martin is on the sideline, limping around. Not good.

2:14pm - Garcia looks hurt and Cleveland missed a FG. Are things looking up?

At the half, it's Cleveland 7, Jets 3.

3:04pm - I took a phone call but haven't missed a thing. At this point, both teams haven't converted a single third down in the game. Kelly Holcomb is now in the game for the injured Jeff Garcia. The Jets recover a fumbled punt by the Browns but give it right back when Carter goes deep to a double covered Santana Moss and gets intercepted. Not a bad play call but the lack of 3rd down success is frustrating. This is an ugly, ugly football game.

3:19pm - With 8 seconds remaining in the third quarter, the first third down conversion of the game has been made.

3:27pm - The Browns miss a FG. Did anyone else notice that there have been 3 missed FG's in this game, and only 4 attempts?

3:36pm - My pizza arrives. A check on the internet tells me I've missed a Jets penalty and time out. I'm such a slave to marketing since I got the Domino's DoubleMelt Pizza. The Jets are stopped for a loss and it's 3rd and 10. THE JETS CONVERT THEIR FIRST THIRD DOWN OF THE DAY.

3:40pm - The Jets score a touchdown. I'm feeling less guilty about getting this pizza since the game is much better after its arrival. It's not too bad either. The Jets throw some nice little short passes to Moss and McCairens that give them the lead. Jets 10, Cleveland 7.

The Jets finally started muscling around the Browns defense. They actually scored more points against the Ravens, if you can believe it. I think the line was not playing with much energy earlier today.

And the Jets won the ballgame! What an ugly, ugly football game. Next week they get to go to Arizona, a team that should be a pushover but beat the Giants a few weeks back.

Pacers vs. Pistons

If you haven't seen anything about the Pacers/Pistons fight, then you undoubtedly will, but if you should put on ESPNEWS as soon as you can to try and watch the whole thing.

The ESPN.com page doesn't do this fight justice.

This fight had it all.

Player hits player. Fan throws beer at player. Player goes into stands. Players hit fans. Fans hit players. Fans come onto floor. Players hit fans on the floor. Fans throw more beer. Fans throw chairs! Larry Brown throws microphone.

Remarkable.

Oh, and the next time the Pacers play the Pistons? A little day called Christmas.

(I'm so thankful this happened so that people no longer talk about that dopey MNF intro)

Two and a half Big Macs

This Hardee's burger has the same amount of calories as two and a half Big Macs. We should drop a bunch of these into impoverished countries!

Despite knowing that it's got the calorie content of 2 1/2 Big Macs, I still want to eat one.

Nudity

An article like this makes me wonder if people are a little too sensitive about nudity. After all, if that bitch, Eve, had followed directions and not eaten the apple, we would all still be running around naked, frolicking in the Garden of Eden!

Colin Powell - Out?

According to the paper this morning, Colin Powell is out as Secretary of State.

Strangely enough I saw him in an interview yesterday on "The Wall Street Journal Report with Maria Bartiromo" where the following exchange took place. I guess I should have read the subtext more closely.

----

MS. BARTIROMO: The big question for a lot of people wondering, if you have a fire in your belly for another four years as Secretary of State?

SECRETARY POWELL: I've always had fire in my belly for whatever I did.

MS. BARTIROMO: Are you planning to announce imminently that you're stepping down, sir.

SECRETARY POWELL: Whenever something is to be announced, it will be announced, and it is a matter for the President and I to discuss and decide.

Jets loss

This Jets loss reminds me of a Jets/Patriots game I attended about three years ago. It was Sunday, December 2, 2001. The Jets went up 16-0 but New England, with backup QB Tom Brady leading the way (Brady came in after the Jets knocked Drew Bledsoe out for the season in the two teams' first meeting) won the game 17-16.

Here, the Jets went up 14-0, fell behind 17-14 and then eventually lost in OT 20-17.

Two notes:

1) Doesn't Herm Edwards have a time out/clock management specialist? What happened at the end of regulation?

2) I was feeling pretty bad about this loss until I saw that the Giants lost at Arizona. At least most of the headlines will be about the Giants! The Jets will have the opportunity to catch similar headlines in a few weeks when they go to AZ.

No Love.... But Still...

There is no love for the Miami Dolphins at the Kitchen Fresh Blog (and now the mere mention of the team will create a Google-bsaed ad on this very site). But still, this article by Skip Bayless on ESPN Page 2 is pretty harsh! The main point is that Dave Wannstedt is a born loser.

Shtick

This blog needs more shtick
I want to get some more hits
Would nudity help?

Why Should I Change?

No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.

Whoa. Ashcroft resigns?

Wow, looks like Attorney General John Ashcroft won't be back for a second Bush term.

I have two questions:

1) Was Ashcroft serious when he said, "The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved, yet I believe that the Department of Justice would be well served by new leadership and fresh inspiration, I believe that my energies and talents should be directed toward other challenging horizons."? In particular was he serious about having completed the objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror?

2) Does this mean we'll get to see the boob of that statue of justice again?

An absoultely awful Jets game

Jets vs. Bills 11/7/04

The Bills are a pretty good team despite their 2-5 record entering the game. They barely lost to the Jets in NJ a few weeks ago. On the other hand, the Jets were riding high after their complete victory over the Dolphins last Monday.

There was no doubt that this would be a tough game but with the strong defensive line of the Jets and their diversity of offensive tools, it looked like they would be able to prevail.

In the first quarter, K Doug Brien missed a 36 yd field goal. The winds were heavy but he just missed this FG. At this point, I just had a sense the game would be tough for the Jets, but they had moved the ball very well by attacking with the passing game. Next drive, ends in a Pennington fumble, and it is returned deep into Jets territory. Now the sense is even greater that the Jets need to put things together.

As it turns out, the half ends 10-10, but the Jets dodge a bullet when at 3rd and Goal with about 30 seconds left, Buffalo elects to spike instead of try a pass attempt into the end zone. Earlier in the second quarter the Jets executed a great drive from their 20 yd line for a TD. Maybe things are looking up.

But in the third quarter, the collapse begins. The Jets defense looks groggy and Buffalo takes advantage, with a 67 yd drive that takes about seven minutes. It's a great drive and QB Drew Bledsoe makes a critical play on third and long, when he eludes DE Shawn Ellis, avoids a sack and gets a first down. Buffalo scores on a great catch by WR Lee Evans. It's a good, solid drive.

The Jets get the ball and run four out of five rushing plays. Overall, they had not been moving the ball well on the ground and much better in the air. Not sure why they rushed the ball so much. But after Buffalo's next drive is stopped, it's a 3 and out for the Jets as well - you guessed it - two run plays and one pass play (on 3rd and 1, no less).

On to the fourth quarter, and here's where the house of horrors begins. The Jets run twice for -1 yds and QB Chad Pennington throws an interception on 3rd and 11. At this point, in the second half, this was Pennington's third pass attempt, out of eleven plays. Could we have gotten a little more balance? In the first half, Pennington was very accurate. Maybe something more here?

The INT led to a FG from Buffalo who has opened their lead to ten points (20-10). On their next drives, both teams punt and the Jets have the ball back at their 1/2 yard line, following a great punt by P Brian Moorman. First off, QB Quincy Carter shows up (it turns out Pennington had a shoulder injury) and the Jets try to run the ball up the middle out of the end zone with RB Curtis Martin and get totally stuffed for a safety (22-10, Buffalo).

The game now continues and after stopping the Bills, Quincy Carter throws a great pass to WR Santana Moss for a TD (22-17). The Jets are back in it with four minutes to go. But the defense can't make a stop on a critical 3rd and 8 and the game ends.

The Jets played a sloppy game (7 penalties for 40 yards, 2 turnovers) and also made some key mistakes.

But here's the sad thing. This game probably caps their season with a wildcard playoff berth and a first or second round playoff loss. Even if the Jets can keep pace (and that's unlikely) New England would still win the division unless they lost @ NY Jets on 12/26 AND lost to either Buffalo next week or @ Miami 12/20. Not likely. The fight for a wildcard won't be easy either.

I can live with the Pennington injury (that sort of thing happens), I can deal with the defensive lapses (sort of), and I can even deal with the missed 36 yard field goal. But when you add in the straight-up-the-middle rush from the half yard line in the context of not being able to rush the ball all day, then I get upset. Four pass attempts by Pennington in the second half out of fourteen plays is not acceptable. When this team can't run, they shouldn't be afraid to go to the pass. If Pennington, Moss and McCairens aren't good enough to help run the offense then the team needs to rework the entire unit.

Pennington's injury had better not be an excuse for the low number of pass attempts. If he can't pass then he shouldn't play, and if he got injured in the first quarter, then why was he able to pass so well in the second?

On a side note, despite hating the Patriots, it was pretty cool to see Vinitieri's great fake FG pass to Troy Brown. I wish I could have seen the look on Mike Martz's face.

Voting

This should be the last voting related post for a while.

All this talk of a "mandate" for Bush is making me ill. It's the media trying to put words in his mouth. At the same time, I don't think Bush acknowledges that there is a significant divide within the population (in some ways, he probably can't since it makes him look weaker). So perhaps, one of the media outlets could take a look at voters and see how supporters of Gore and Bush in 2000 decided to vote in 2004. Did they stay party loyal or did they switch sides? Was it at any greater rate than in past elections? My hypothesis would be that larger numbers switched sides from Bush to Kerry (purely on anecdotal evidence), and it was larger than usual. That might be the best measure of how Bush's first term was perceived by the electorate.

Hockey

Did anyone notice that hockey hasn't started yet?

***Hockey players/owners, their friends and families, and ESPN 3 executives are not eligible to answer this question***

Episode 3

I watched the Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith trailer. I got giddy. Then I popped in my Episode 2 DVD and watched the trailers to it.

Here's one good thing and one bad thing.

One good thing: The Episode 3 trailer has very little talking. Hopefully that means that the movie has very little talking. Episode 2 was best when talking was at a minimum.

One bad thing: Seems like in the grand tradition of bringing characters from the original trilogy and trying to flesh them out for merchandising's sake, it's going to happen again.

Overall: The trailer looks pretty and doesn't have any of the horrible dialogue from Episode 2. But I enjoyed the trailers for Episodes 1 & 2 far more than I enjoyed the movies.

There's a Fat Albert movie?

On Christmas Day, Fat Albert is opening up. Sounds like it was inevitable given all the cartoons that have recently become live-action but was it necessary (as shown in the trailer) for it to be about the tv cartoon character magically appearing out of the tv set and travelling into the 00's?

Yao Ming

In my view, the NBA season does not begin until April. However, in his first three games this season, Yao Ming hasn't been as good as I had expected. Sure, it's only three games and I haven't watched any of them, but it seems like he has been getting into early foul trouble and unable to play. The Rockets are "Knicks South" in my view, with Charlie Ward, Jeff Van Gundy and Patrick Ewing.

Apprentice 2

This second installment of the Apprentice is not as good as the first. The contestants are mostly unlikeable and none of them really have the sorts of relationships (friendships or in-fighting) of the first cast. They tried to create some of the goofiness, particularly with Raj, Stacie J and Andy. But in the end, the Kwame/Troy friendship, the Amy/Nick sort of romance, and the Omarosa/Heidi conflict aren't around this time. The teams gang up on the weak link pretty quickly and none of the contestants seem to get along. The episodes have a lot of filler material as well. The show is not as strong. Someone has to get fired!

Episode 2

This week, not only will The Incredibles be released, but so will the Star Wars: Episode 3 trailer. This of course, is the final movie of the Star Wars series.

After watching the DVDs of the original trilogy, I pulled out my Episode 2 DVD to view some of the fight scenes. I can't explain it but there's something amiss with entire this film. While the digital scenery and characters are pretty amazing, when the actors are on the screen, it still looks like an advanced version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The problems seem to do with lighting inconsistancies or camera focusing differences between "real" and digital, but I'm not totally sure. Something about the movie just doesn't look right.

Something I Noticed...

So, according to all these polls, Kerry voters were more likely to be concerned about the economy and jobs, and Bush voters were more likely to be concerned about security and terrorism. Then why, oh why, did Bush lose all the states where terrorism were actually is a threat (such as New York, Massachusetts, California)? And why, where jobs and the economy are such a big issue, like the manufacturing states or farm states did John Kerry lose?

Why do I think the rest of the world is laughing right now?

Election

Looks like we're headed for four more years of Bush. This liberal weenie is going to cry himself to sleep tonight.

Just Lick It

I saw a woman on the subway today lick a CD to clean it off before putting into her CD player. How does that help the CD or CD player? Isn't it a little dirty?

MIT vs Casinos

Bringing Down the House
Is easy and fun reading
It could be a film

Wild Card

Has anyone noticed that the last three World Series champions were Wild Card winners?

Also, since 1996, the winner of the World Series has either been the Yankees or a Wild Card team, aside from Arizona in '01.

Strangely enough, when the Yankees were the Wild Card ('95 & '97) they got knocked out.

This year, the "Wild Card" beat the "Cards."

Incoherent

I'm not very coherent right now, but I was thinking, since Boston seems to be winning everything these days, let's hope that this is an omen that next week we'll be talking about President Kerry.

Now that baseball's over and the election will soon draw to a close, what will I ever talk about on this blog? Time for me to get out there and do a few stupid things so I can report them on to this hardly-read forum.

Eggs

Fifteen minutes after I proclaimed that I have writer's block, I just thought of something to post.

Since St Louis really laid an egg in the World Series, this link seemed appropriate.

Make sure you click on "egg song" and turn the volume up really high. Hilarious. Kitchen-Fresh-Blog-certified amusement.

No Editor

Problem: I have nothing to say but I want to write a post.

Result: A crappy post like this. That's what happens with these solo operations -- no editor, no filter, no focus group, crappy posts.

Enjoy!!

The Factor

Since I didn't want to watch Boston pound on St. Louis again, I decided to try and watch the O'Reilly Factor for a little while this evening.

I decided I would time myself and see how long it would take for me to get annoyed and change the channel. It took longer than I had expected -- eight minutes! Why so long? Well, there were four minutes of commercials and news updates.

The first segment I saw was around the 8:30 block, where O'Reilly had on an advertising executive who had been involved in some surveys of public opinion and what Hollywood stars could sway political views.

The second segment I saw, also the one I changed the channel during, was one where O'Reilly had Bob Woodward of the Washington Post as a guest. O'Reilly asked Woodward questions and wanted to know how Kerry would answer them (since Kerry declined interviews with both O'Reilly and Woodward). Then, O'Reilly criticised the fictional responses. Part of me found it hilarious but just because it was so absurd.

So I flipped to ESPNEWS. Their scores ticker is amusing on a night when there is only one professional sporting event.

Ms. Subways

I'm obviously not getting the point of this. Aren't the subways dirty, nasty and smelly? Why would anyone want to be associated with this, particularly in a format that implies "beauty pageant?"

Sponsorships and Free Tacos

It is my civic duty to report that if a home run in the World Series hits the right sign, then every US citizen is entitled to a free taco at Taco Bell on November 9.

The article states that Taco Bell will be the "official quick service restaurant" of Major League Baseball in 2005. That got me to thinking -- if anyone wants to sponsor this blog then I'll gladly make them the official "XYZ of the Kitchen." Rates for such sponsorships are quite low, indicating how easily I'll sell out.

Oh, and when did "quick service" become a euphemism for "fast food?" Is "fast food" such a bad term that it requires a euphemism?

The Onion

If you don't read the Onion then you're missing out. This morning, it dawned on me that this would be a great television concept. It would take "fake news" beyond the Daily Show since there would be almost no basis in reality. There could be great stories about "Area Men" and a segment of "This Day in History." The AV club could be used as an interviewing platform for actual celebrities. Seems like a winner idea to me, and you heard it here first!!

Where are the Cardinals?

If you read this site often, you may know that I hate the Boston baseball team. More importantly, I was just wondering when the Cardinals will decide to show up to the World Series. Usually it's more fun if two teams are playing.

Scrubs

Scrubs is always funny, and the last two episodes included "Ed" sightings (and I saw the first one at the same time I made an "Ed" sighting on Sports Night).

Also, this most recent episode was directed by Maggie Seaver! It's like a nexus of TV shows.

Headlines

Well, this is uplifting. On a slightly related note, ever notice that the phrase "Politics of Fear" uses a fear tactic itself?

This article's headline, "Bush, Kerry get support from swing-state newspapers" makes it sound like the papers couldn't decide. I guess they're trying to convey that Nader get any swing-state newspaper endorsements.

One more story for you -- fifty Iraqi soldiers were found dead. CNN.com says, "Dozens of Iraqi soldiers found shot to death" while the New York Times says, "Scores of Iraqi soldiers are Found Shot to Death" and Fox News further clarifies with "Dozens of Unarmed Iraqi GIs Killed in Ambush."

I like how "Scores" sounds like a lot more than "Dozens" even though technically both are true. I also like the added touch of "Unarmed."

Great Britain

Pretty funny since didn't the Pilgrims leave because of religious persecution?

At least, that's what they told us in the fourth grade.

Sheff's Chef

This article is hilarious. I can't believe I missed it when it was first published.

After watching Sports Night Season 2

Sports Night, a good show,
Is no longer on tv.
It ended too soon.

Wal-Mart versus the Daily Show?

I'm always uncomfortable when corporations dictate our culture but I thought this was a coincidence -- after reading this story earlier in the day, on The Daily Show this evening they did a story about Wal-Mart building in Mexico near Aztec ruins and the protests associated with the event, as well as the protests of Wal-Mart having built a location on a tribal Hawaiian burial ground. Conicidence?

*sigh*

Bush receives endorsement from Iran

In case you don't believe the liberal Massachusetts paper, here are links for the same story from:

Moscow
South Africa
Canada
Turkey
China
Japan
UK
Michigan (a swing state)
Yahoo!

I tried to find the link of Fox News but apparently it's not there. That's funny!

On another note (more politics)...

Since all the debates and political TV are all just show anyways, I think there should be a First Lady debate. That would be teriffic. This recent quote with Theresa Heinz-Kerry is a great example why.

If I were a better comedy writer, I'd be able to write a hypothetical exchange between the two candidates. Wait. Is one a "candidate" for First Lady?

Also, has Vegas set the over/under for how many times John Kerry will mention the Red Sox in the next week or so while referring to comebacks and perseverence? Or will he decide to neglect his Massachusetts roots because that makes him look too liberal?

Historic

Well, I'm pretty surprised. No. I'm REALLY surprised. I guess Kevin Millar was right -- they were five outs better (maybe more?) than last year. I guess Schilling was right -- he shut up 55,000 + New Yorkers. But I don't have to like it.

I think the first team from 3-0 down thing is a bit overblown. In most of those other cases I think the team down 3-0 was much worse than the team up. In this case, the Red Sox were as good (and obviously better) than the Yankees.

The Yankees had a ton of chances to win this series, unable to close out games 4 & 5 and with the winning run at the plate at the end of game 6. So the Sox earned it. Torre made a few mistakes (why not pitch Mussina on his normal day Sunday instead of waiting until Monday? why bring in Rivera in the 8th of game 5 with noone out, first & third? why bring in Vasquez to face Damon in game 7 when the career matchup was unfavorable? why start Brown in game 7 over El Duque? why is Gordon in game 7 at all, and not rivera to shut it down?)

Of course, we all know how this will end. The Houston Astros, with Roger Clemens on the hill will beat the Red Sox in the Series after David Ortiz boots a ball because he's playing first base for the first time in months. The Red Sox, believe it or not, have more WS appearances than the Astros and more titles, despite not having won one since 1918.

On TV right now, I think Brian Cashman is going to cry. Sad day to be a Yankees fan.

More Gripes and a Funny Link

I'm avoiding comment on the Red Sox vs. Yankees series until it's over.

That doesn't prevent me from commenting on the other LCS going on between Houston and St. Louis. I haven't watched any of this series yet this year until I tuned into the top of the 9th inning earlier tonight. I've heard Phil Garner made some strange managerial moves through the series but overall, it seemed like it was pretty tight. The game was 0-0 going into the 9th which is also exciting.

Bottom of the 9th and Beltran reaches base. The FOX commentators start suggesting that Jeff Bagwell bunt him over to second base! Jeff Bagwell bunt? Then the graphics people flash the information that Bagwell's last sac bunt was in 1991. Is this relevant? Then after Bagwell flies out, Steve Lyons suggests they missed an opportunity where Bagwell could have moved the runner over with a bunt. What?? Bagwell, as FOX pointed out, was 5-15 versus Isringhausen. Why would they even consider bunting this guy?

By the way, were you surprised that my post was 1) a gripe about something 2) sports-related and 3) rambling?

Oh and as promised, I thought this link was funny.

More Sports Night

I've just finished watching the first season of Sports Night, the short-lived Aaron Sorkin show. It's quite good. Watching these first episodes, it's also clear why the show didn't do very well.

The show's content is quite good. But I don't think it was right for network TV. It's not a sit-com but it fits in the half-hour episode format. They try to awkwardly slide in a laugh track but it's not right. This show should not have a laugh track even though it has funny moments. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better off in a one hour episode format as well.

Sorkin writes fairly tight dialogue and is great with the "walking while talking" routine. Another problem with the program is that there's no good audience for it either. Women won't watch anything that involves "sports" unless it's tennis and figure skating. Men who like sports overall are more interested in the humor displayed on shows like FOX NFL Sunday or segments like "You've Been Sacked" on Monday Night Football. The humor in Sports Night is a little different from this.

If you haven't seen this show, you should.

NFL Week 6

No more picks. It's pretty futile at this point for me to continue. I'm not watching enough of the league, keeping up with injuries to actually even make educated guesses. Instead, I'll gripe about the NFL from time to time.

The Jets have the chance to go 5-0 on Sunday. That would be the first time in their history. When they went 4-0 in 2000, they missed the playoffs. Pretty strange history for a team. I hope they win -- they are better than San Francisco.

The Bills and Dolphins play tomorrow. That would be a great game to play on Madden -- sacks galore and interceptions right and left. In Madden, the turnovers are always the most demoralizing.

Sports Events and Alternate Sound

There should be a button on TV's that acts like a sports-announcer mute. All you'd get would be the the natural sound of the crowd and the game from the on-field microphones but don't get all the "witty" chatter from the announcers. I would settle, in fact, for a situation where the announcers remain muted unless they are doing an advertisement (I understand that they've got to pay the bills). So you could watch a game, hear the crowd and mute out any announcers unless they interject with a "brought to you by" or a "check out the upcoming show..."

In addition, will they ever reduce all those on-screen graphics? Less is certainly more, in my opinion. FOX puts so much clutter on the screen during the baseball and football broadcasts, I've stopped paying attention. It just makes my 13" tv seem even smaller since now there's less viewable space.

Reduce all the sound effects and glittery graphics (I'm sure the guy who made the radar gun turn to flame for any 95mph+ pitch got a promotion). Does all that clutter actually improve the ratings of the sporting event? Doubtful. If my team's games were only airing with pink graphics on Lifetime with Carrot Top doing the commentary, I'd still find a way to watch it. That extra stuff can't possibly be drawing in casual viewers.

"I was going to watch Sunday's game, but it just didn't have enough on-screen graphics so I decided to watch CSI instead."

or is it,

"Ping pong is so boring on tv. It would be so much better if it had more on-screen graphics and sound effects, like FOX NFL Sunday!"

The upcoming election will have FOX Sports-like graphics. A big bar at the top with each candidate's electoral votes. As states' results pour in, a flashing little scoreboard drops down showing percent precincts reporting and the percent for each candidate. When a projection is made, the candidate's name flashes, you hear a click and the electoral votes count goes up. Along the bottom, a ticker runs showing non-Presidential election results. Then as the pundits are busy dissecting the results, a flash at the bottom of the screen with a beeping robotic sound: Update Next.

-ets Network

The Mets are planning on starting their own television network, following in the footsteps of the YES Network, the Yankees' channel.

The YES Network already has a hard time finding programming during the day/night. No offense to the Mets, but there aren't enough great Mets to warrent a Mets equivalent to the "Yankeeography" program.

Also, another challenge will be to find a name. While the name, "MES" would be fairly amusing, I suggest the team go out and strike an allegiance with the Nets (currently on YES) and the Jets, and form the -ETS Network. The rhyming names have always been a silent bond between the teams, and maybe it's time for the three to join forces.

Five Outs...

Kevin Millah said that he thought the Red Sox were "five outs better" than last year.

Hey Millah! Maybe, just maybe, the Yankees are five outs better too? Then what?

A few links

For fun, here are a few links:

www.factcheck.ORG

www.georgesoros.com

www.electoral-vote.com

More amusing stuff:

If you haven't heard, there's a conspiracy theory on the Internet that GW was wired for the first Presidential debate. Judge for yourself. In a move that reminds me of Mike Piazza's "I'm not gay" press conference, Team Bush denies everything. But they don't provide any explanation for the bump on his back.

Final thought:

Watching Empire Strikes Back for the Nth time reminded me of Yoda's excellent advice, "Wars not make one great." It seemed like that could work for either campaign.

Drugs from Canada, eh

About as absurd as the "undecided" voter is the notion that people in the US should be buying drugs from Canada.

Bush says he (like Clinton) will not allow FDA approval of drugs from Canada since nobody knows if it's safe.

That's such a cop out! We live in the UNITED (frickin') STATES OF AMERICA. First of all, I doubt the Canadian government is slacking on their drug regulations and allowing unsafe drugs to go to its citizens.

But even if they are, we're the USA! If the Canadian government has enough leverage to lower prices of drugs, I think the US government can do it too. (No offense, but is there anything the Canadian government can do that we can't?) Force the pharmaceutical companies to lower their prices to those of Canada!

Of course, no politician will ever grow the balls to do that. The pill for that is only available in Canada.

The Best... Is A Good...

How does the saying go?

"The best offense is a good defense" or "The best defense is a good offense"

Maybe it's both? The best offense is a good defense, the best of which is a good offense.

Beating the Yankees

Ron Gardenhire said yesterday after the Twins lost, "We're packing our suitcases and finishing this thing up in New York, where we started."

That reminded me of Lou Pinella's boast in the 2001 ALCS after the Yankees took two from the Mariners at Safeco Field, "I want you all to print this, we're going to be back here for Game 6. Write it."

The Yankees won that series in 5 games and never had to go back to Seattle.

NFL Week 5

Last Week: 7-6-1
Season: 25-32-4

Giants (+3.5) over COWBOYS
Bills (+7) over JETS *I hate picking against the Jets*
Dolphins (+13) over PATRIOTS *13 pt point spread?*
STEELERS (-6) over Browns
COLTS (-9) over Raiders
FALCONS (-7) over Lions
SAINTS (-3) over Buccaneers
TEXANS (+4) over Vikings
Jaguars (-3) over CHARGERS
BRONCOS (-5.5) over Panthers
SEAHAWKS (-7) over Rams
Cardinals (+1) over 49ERS
Ravens (-1) over REDSKINS
PACKERS (-3) over Titans

Undecided Voters

Is there any greater charade than that of the "undecided" voter this year?

First of all, the idea that any of these debates would change anyone's minds is absurd. The two candidates just spew their same PR nonsense over and over again. There are no original or fresh ideas. Also, they can't directly address each other, thus eliminating any spontaneous moments.

Now, how any person who has been alive in the last four years can possibly not have an opinion on this election is way beyond me. The President has a clear record over these last four years. He's pretty much stated that he believes he has not made any mistakes over the last four years. That should be a clear indication that any logic applied in the next four years will be like the logic applied in the last four.

Do you think this President is a strong, decisive leader or an arrogant and devisive one? These "undecided" voters have had FOUR YEARS to make up their minds on this. What makes them think they'll get any new information in the next three weeks?

Smallville: The Year of the Shower

The WB's Smallville enters its fourth season and it's starting to wane a little bit. The ratings haven't been so strong, so the show's creators are trying to juice it up a bit by adding attractive characters (Lois Lane, Jason Teague) and I guess a little more "action."

This season, there have already been four shower scenes in the three episodes that have aired. Of those who participated? Clark, Lana, Lionel Luthor (yuck!) and a couple in this past week's "Kryp/Tuck" episode. I'm not sure what this means but let's keep an eye on this trend.

That Boston Baseball Team

As it appears that the Sawx are going to take a 2-0 lead over Anaheim, and head towards the ALCS, I have three things to say.

1) Where's the ghost of Donnie Moore? Poor guy. Someone should have told him, "At least you're not Buckner!"

2) What happens if the Sawx win it all? Then what? Suddenly, everyone LOVES the Sawx since this "could be the year" that they break the curse. But if they win, they'll be normal. Just like everyone else. Then what? It's over. No more, "I've waited so long for this, etc." Why root for the team anymore? By the way, it's not like the Sawx are these huge underdogs or anything. They still have the second highest payroll in the majors.

3) If (heaven forbid) the Sawx make it to the Series instead of the Yankees, I sure hope it's against the Astros. It would be great to see Rajah Clemens beat the Sawx in the Series!

Easily Amused

Every time I go to my New York Post bookmark to check the sports, I laugh about how I put it the folder called "News."

I wonder... (an Iraq post)

So the top US inspector has said that there are no WMD stockpiles in Iraq.

Now, let's assume by WMD we're referring to nuclear weapons. Chemical and biological weapons, while horrible, aren't nearly as horrible as nuclear weapons.

Either way, let's say the inspectors had run their course before the US went charging in to a war.

Let's suppose that they found WMD -- what would have happened? More sanctions, more isolation and perhaps a multi-national invasion. Especially if they found nuclear weapons.

Let's suppose they didn't find WMD (the more likely scenario). Well, one option is that we would have gone to war anyways, become unpopular with much of the international community and been stuck in a quagmire as we hope to have free elections in Iraq. Sound familiar?

Another option with no WMD would have been that there would be no war at all. But Saddam Hussein probably would have still been in power. That's not so good. Also, an entire genre of books (such as those by Richard Clarke and Bob Woodward) would have never been written, cripping the political publishing industry and bookstores across the country. Also bad.

So the three outcomes:
1) War (with complete international support)
2) War (with incomplete international support -- see current war)
3) Dictator in Iraq and crippling of political punditry

As Agent Smith might say, "It's inevitable."

Thanks for playing the "What if" game. Tune in next week for "What if the Red Sox won Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS?" All I know is if that happened, the terrorists would win.

Got some change?

On the street today a guy said to me, "Hey, I just got out of prison, and I need to get out of town. Do you think you could spare some change?"

If you've been here since the beginning, then you may recall that I sort of have a problem with dishing out cash on the street.

That aside, what kind of comment is "I just got out of prison"? Is that supposed to garner sympathy or is it supposed to be a threat? Sounds like a threat to me. On the other hand, I suppose it depends on why he went to prison. Was it for violent crime? Then it would be a threat. But what if it was some dopey misdemeanor? Then perhaps it would have been for sympathy.

Either way, I didn't spare any change.

Gmail Invites

I have six gmail invites.

I can't get rid of them.

Everyone I ask doesn't need an invite, and has too many of their own.

I would offer them to strangers but I think if you haven't been invited to gmail yet, there's probably a good reason.

Corduroy

Everyone always says how corduroy is so comfortable. But the inside of corduroy clothing is never as soft as the outside. So that has made me wonder, why doesn't someone come up with the double-sided corduroy? That would be soft outside and in! Can someone get to work on that?

Star Wars

I was just watching some of the Star Wars movies, and I was wondering if Anakin Skywalker grows six inches before he becomes Darth Vader -- after all, David Prowse the Vader actor was 6' 7", where as Hayden Christiansen is 6' 1".

Yup, I've just proved I'm a nerd with just one sentence.

NFL Week 4

PACKERS (-7) over Giants
Jets (-6) over DOLPHINS
Eagles (-9) over BEARS
BROWNS (+3) over Redskins
Patriots (-5.5) over BILLS
Raiders (-2.5) over TEXANS
JAGUARS (+4) over Colts
STEELERS (-4.5) over Bengals
Falcons (+3.5) over PANTHERS
Saints (-3) over CARDINALS
BUCCANNEERS (+3) over Broncos
Titans (-3) over CHARGERS
Rams (-3.5) over 49ERS
RAVENS (-5.5) over Chiefs

Lot of home underdogs. That usually means a lot of upsets. That means I'm going to miss a lot of picks since I'm picking a ton of favorites. It also has just dawned on me that I haven't really paid much attention to injuries.

Is this Irony?

Yesterday I was reading Al Franken's book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. I was carrying it in a bag I own that has the FOX logo on it.

Poland Spring Part 2

In case you didn't believe me.

(I know this isn't a haiku and it's Haiku Friday, but I haven't posted a photo in a while)

Blog Update

Four hundred visits
One hundred fifty blog posts
Who knew it would last?