Sunday, October 31, 2004

Just Lick It

I saw a woman on the subway today lick a CD to clean it off before putting into her CD player. How does that help the CD or CD player? Isn't it a little dirty?

Friday, October 29, 2004

MIT vs Casinos

Bringing Down the House
Is easy and fun reading
It could be a film

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Wild Card

Has anyone noticed that the last three World Series champions were Wild Card winners?

Also, since 1996, the winner of the World Series has either been the Yankees or a Wild Card team, aside from Arizona in '01.

Strangely enough, when the Yankees were the Wild Card ('95 & '97) they got knocked out.

This year, the "Wild Card" beat the "Cards."

Incoherent

I'm not very coherent right now, but I was thinking, since Boston seems to be winning everything these days, let's hope that this is an omen that next week we'll be talking about President Kerry.

Now that baseball's over and the election will soon draw to a close, what will I ever talk about on this blog? Time for me to get out there and do a few stupid things so I can report them on to this hardly-read forum.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Eggs

Fifteen minutes after I proclaimed that I have writer's block, I just thought of something to post.

Since St Louis really laid an egg in the World Series, this link seemed appropriate.

Make sure you click on "egg song" and turn the volume up really high. Hilarious. Kitchen-Fresh-Blog-certified amusement.

No Editor

Problem: I have nothing to say but I want to write a post.

Result: A crappy post like this. That's what happens with these solo operations -- no editor, no filter, no focus group, crappy posts.

Enjoy!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

The Factor

Since I didn't want to watch Boston pound on St. Louis again, I decided to try and watch the O'Reilly Factor for a little while this evening.

I decided I would time myself and see how long it would take for me to get annoyed and change the channel. It took longer than I had expected -- eight minutes! Why so long? Well, there were four minutes of commercials and news updates.

The first segment I saw was around the 8:30 block, where O'Reilly had on an advertising executive who had been involved in some surveys of public opinion and what Hollywood stars could sway political views.

The second segment I saw, also the one I changed the channel during, was one where O'Reilly had Bob Woodward of the Washington Post as a guest. O'Reilly asked Woodward questions and wanted to know how Kerry would answer them (since Kerry declined interviews with both O'Reilly and Woodward). Then, O'Reilly criticised the fictional responses. Part of me found it hilarious but just because it was so absurd.

So I flipped to ESPNEWS. Their scores ticker is amusing on a night when there is only one professional sporting event.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Ms. Subways

I'm obviously not getting the point of this. Aren't the subways dirty, nasty and smelly? Why would anyone want to be associated with this, particularly in a format that implies "beauty pageant?"

Sponsorships and Free Tacos

It is my civic duty to report that if a home run in the World Series hits the right sign, then every US citizen is entitled to a free taco at Taco Bell on November 9.

The article states that Taco Bell will be the "official quick service restaurant" of Major League Baseball in 2005. That got me to thinking -- if anyone wants to sponsor this blog then I'll gladly make them the official "XYZ of the Kitchen." Rates for such sponsorships are quite low, indicating how easily I'll sell out.

Oh, and when did "quick service" become a euphemism for "fast food?" Is "fast food" such a bad term that it requires a euphemism?

The Onion

If you don't read the Onion then you're missing out. This morning, it dawned on me that this would be a great television concept. It would take "fake news" beyond the Daily Show since there would be almost no basis in reality. There could be great stories about "Area Men" and a segment of "This Day in History." The AV club could be used as an interviewing platform for actual celebrities. Seems like a winner idea to me, and you heard it here first!!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Where are the Cardinals?

If you read this site often, you may know that I hate the Boston baseball team. More importantly, I was just wondering when the Cardinals will decide to show up to the World Series. Usually it's more fun if two teams are playing.

Scrubs

Scrubs is always funny, and the last two episodes included "Ed" sightings (and I saw the first one at the same time I made an "Ed" sighting on Sports Night).

Also, this most recent episode was directed by Maggie Seaver! It's like a nexus of TV shows.

Headlines

Well, this is uplifting. On a slightly related note, ever notice that the phrase "Politics of Fear" uses a fear tactic itself?

This article's headline, "Bush, Kerry get support from swing-state newspapers" makes it sound like the papers couldn't decide. I guess they're trying to convey that Nader get any swing-state newspaper endorsements.

One more story for you -- fifty Iraqi soldiers were found dead. CNN.com says, "Dozens of Iraqi soldiers found shot to death" while the New York Times says, "Scores of Iraqi soldiers are Found Shot to Death" and Fox News further clarifies with "Dozens of Unarmed Iraqi GIs Killed in Ambush."

I like how "Scores" sounds like a lot more than "Dozens" even though technically both are true. I also like the added touch of "Unarmed."

Great Britain

Pretty funny since didn't the Pilgrims leave because of religious persecution?

At least, that's what they told us in the fourth grade.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Sheff's Chef

This article is hilarious. I can't believe I missed it when it was first published.

Friday, October 22, 2004

After watching Sports Night Season 2

Sports Night, a good show,
Is no longer on tv.
It ended too soon.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Wal-Mart versus the Daily Show?

I'm always uncomfortable when corporations dictate our culture but I thought this was a coincidence -- after reading this story earlier in the day, on The Daily Show this evening they did a story about Wal-Mart building in Mexico near Aztec ruins and the protests associated with the event, as well as the protests of Wal-Mart having built a location on a tribal Hawaiian burial ground. Conicidence?

*sigh*

Bush receives endorsement from Iran

In case you don't believe the liberal Massachusetts paper, here are links for the same story from:

Moscow

South Africa
Canada
Turkey
China
Japan
UK
Michigan (a swing state)
Yahoo!

I tried to find the link of Fox News but apparently it's not there. That's funny!

On another note (more politics)...

Since all the debates and political TV are all just show anyways, I think there should be a First Lady debate. That would be teriffic. This recent quote with Theresa Heinz-Kerry is a great example why.

If I were a better comedy writer, I'd be able to write a hypothetical exchange between the two candidates. Wait. Is one a "candidate" for First Lady?

Also, has Vegas set the over/under for how many times John Kerry will mention the Red Sox in the next week or so while referring to comebacks and perseverence? Or will he decide to neglect his Massachusetts roots because that makes him look too liberal?


Historic

Well, I'm pretty surprised. No. I'm REALLY surprised. I guess Kevin Millar was right -- they were five outs better (maybe more?) than last year. I guess Schilling was right -- he shut up 55,000 + New Yorkers. But I don't have to like it.

I think the first team from 3-0 down thing is a bit overblown. In most of those other cases I think the team down 3-0 was much worse than the team up. In this case, the Red Sox were as good (and obviously better) than the Yankees.

The Yankees had a ton of chances to win this series, unable to close out games 4 & 5 and with the winning run at the plate at the end of game 6. So the Sox earned it. Torre made a few mistakes (why not pitch Mussina on his normal day Sunday instead of waiting until Monday? why bring in Rivera in the 8th of game 5 with noone out, first & third? why bring in Vasquez to face Damon in game 7 when the career matchup was unfavorable? why start Brown in game 7 over El Duque? why is Gordon in game 7 at all, and not rivera to shut it down?)

Of course, we all know how this will end. The Houston Astros, with Roger Clemens on the hill will beat the Red Sox in the Series after David Ortiz boots a ball because he's playing first base for the first time in months. The Red Sox, believe it or not, have more WS appearances than the Astros and more titles, despite not having won one since 1918.

On TV right now, I think Brian Cashman is going to cry. Sad day to be a Yankees fan.

Monday, October 18, 2004

More Gripes and a Funny Link

I'm avoiding comment on the Red Sox vs. Yankees series until it's over.

That doesn't prevent me from commenting on the other LCS going on between Houston and St. Louis. I haven't watched any of this series yet this year until I tuned into the top of the 9th inning earlier tonight. I've heard Phil Garner made some strange managerial moves through the series but overall, it seemed like it was pretty tight. The game was 0-0 going into the 9th which is also exciting.

Bottom of the 9th and Beltran reaches base. The FOX commentators start suggesting that Jeff Bagwell bunt him over to second base! Jeff Bagwell bunt? Then the graphics people flash the information that Bagwell's last sac bunt was in 1991. Is this relevant? Then after Bagwell flies out, Steve Lyons suggests they missed an opportunity where Bagwell could have moved the runner over with a bunt. What?? Bagwell, as FOX pointed out, was 5-15 versus Isringhausen. Why would they even consider bunting this guy?

By the way, were you surprised that my post was 1) a gripe about something 2) sports-related and 3) rambling?

Oh and as promised, I thought this link was funny.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

More Sports Night

I've just finished watching the first season of Sports Night, the short-lived Aaron Sorkin show. It's quite good. Watching these first episodes, it's also clear why the show didn't do very well.

The show's content is quite good. But I don't think it was right for network TV. It's not a sit-com but it fits in the half-hour episode format. They try to awkwardly slide in a laugh track but it's not right. This show should not have a laugh track even though it has funny moments. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better off in a one hour episode format as well.

Sorkin writes fairly tight dialogue and is great with the "walking while talking" routine. Another problem with the program is that there's no good audience for it either. Women won't watch anything that involves "sports" unless it's tennis and figure skating. Men who like sports overall are more interested in the humor displayed on shows like FOX NFL Sunday or segments like "You've Been Sacked" on Monday Night Football. The humor in Sports Night is a little different from this.

If you haven't seen this show, you should.

NFL Week 6

No more picks. It's pretty futile at this point for me to continue. I'm not watching enough of the league, keeping up with injuries to actually even make educated guesses. Instead, I'll gripe about the NFL from time to time.

The Jets have the chance to go 5-0 on Sunday. That would be the first time in their history. When they went 4-0 in 2000, they missed the playoffs. Pretty strange history for a team. I hope they win -- they are better than San Francisco.

The Bills and Dolphins play tomorrow. That would be a great game to play on Madden -- sacks galore and interceptions right and left. In Madden, the turnovers are always the most demoralizing.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Sports Events and Alternate Sound

There should be a button on TV's that acts like a sports-announcer mute. All you'd get would be the the natural sound of the crowd and the game from the on-field microphones but don't get all the "witty" chatter from the announcers. I would settle, in fact, for a situation where the announcers remain muted unless they are doing an advertisement (I understand that they've got to pay the bills). So you could watch a game, hear the crowd and mute out any announcers unless they interject with a "brought to you by" or a "check out the upcoming show..."

In addition, will they ever reduce all those on-screen graphics? Less is certainly more, in my opinion. FOX puts so much clutter on the screen during the baseball and football broadcasts, I've stopped paying attention. It just makes my 13" tv seem even smaller since now there's less viewable space.

Reduce all the sound effects and glittery graphics (I'm sure the guy who made the radar gun turn to flame for any 95mph+ pitch got a promotion). Does all that clutter actually improve the ratings of the sporting event? Doubtful. If my team's games were only airing with pink graphics on Lifetime with Carrot Top doing the commentary, I'd still find a way to watch it. That extra stuff can't possibly be drawing in casual viewers.

"I was going to watch Sunday's game, but it just didn't have enough on-screen graphics so I decided to watch CSI instead."

or is it,

"Ping pong is so boring on tv. It would be so much better if it had more on-screen graphics and sound effects, like FOX NFL Sunday!"

The upcoming election will have FOX Sports-like graphics. A big bar at the top with each candidate's electoral votes. As states' results pour in, a flashing little scoreboard drops down showing percent precincts reporting and the percent for each candidate. When a projection is made, the candidate's name flashes, you hear a click and the electoral votes count goes up. Along the bottom, a ticker runs showing non-Presidential election results. Then as the pundits are busy dissecting the results, a flash at the bottom of the screen with a beeping robotic sound: Update Next.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

-ets Network

The Mets are planning on starting their own television network, following in the footsteps of the YES Network, the Yankees' channel.

The YES Network already has a hard time finding programming during the day/night. No offense to the Mets, but there aren't enough great Mets to warrent a Mets equivalent to the "Yankeeography" program.

Also, another challenge will be to find a name. While the name, "MES" would be fairly amusing, I suggest the team go out and strike an allegiance with the Nets (currently on YES) and the Jets, and form the -ETS Network. The rhyming names have always been a silent bond between the teams, and maybe it's time for the three to join forces.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Five Outs...

Kevin Millah said that he thought the Red Sox were "five outs better" than last year.

Hey Millah! Maybe, just maybe, the Yankees are five outs better too? Then what?

A few links

For fun, here are a few links:

www.factcheck.ORG

www.georgesoros.com

www.electoral-vote.com

More amusing stuff:

If you haven't heard, there's a conspiracy theory on the Internet that GW was wired for the first Presidential debate. Judge for yourself. In a move that reminds me of Mike Piazza's "I'm not gay" press conference, Team Bush denies everything. But they don't provide any explanation for the bump on his back.

Final thought:

Watching Empire Strikes Back for the Nth time reminded me of Yoda's excellent advice, "Wars not make one great." It seemed like that could work for either campaign.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Drugs from Canada, eh

About as absurd as the "undecided" voter is the notion that people in the US should be buying drugs from Canada.

Bush says he (like Clinton) will not allow FDA approval of drugs from Canada since nobody knows if it's safe.

That's such a cop out! We live in the UNITED (frickin') STATES OF AMERICA. First of all, I doubt the Canadian government is slacking on their drug regulations and allowing unsafe drugs to go to its citizens.

But even if they are, we're the USA! If the Canadian government has enough leverage to lower prices of drugs, I think the US government can do it too. (No offense, but is there anything the Canadian government can do that we can't?) Force the pharmaceutical companies to lower their prices to those of Canada!

Of course, no politician will ever grow the balls to do that. The pill for that is only available in Canada.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

The Best... Is A Good...

How does the saying go?

"The best offense is a good defense" or "The best defense is a good offense"

Maybe it's both? The best offense is a good defense, the best of which is a good offense.

Beating the Yankees

Ron Gardenhire said yesterday after the Twins lost, "We're packing our suitcases and finishing this thing up in New York, where we started."

That reminded me of Lou Pinella's boast in the 2001 ALCS after the Yankees took two from the Mariners at Safeco Field, "I want you all to print this, we're going to be back here for Game 6. Write it."

The Yankees won that series in 5 games and never had to go back to Seattle.

NFL Week 5

Last Week: 7-6-1
Season: 25-32-4

Giants (+3.5) over COWBOYS
Bills (+7) over JETS *I hate picking against the Jets*
Dolphins (+13) over PATRIOTS *13 pt point spread?*
STEELERS (-6) over Browns
COLTS (-9) over Raiders
FALCONS (-7) over Lions
SAINTS (-3) over Buccaneers
TEXANS (+4) over Vikings
Jaguars (-3) over CHARGERS
BRONCOS (-5.5) over Panthers
SEAHAWKS (-7) over Rams
Cardinals (+1) over 49ERS
Ravens (-1) over REDSKINS
PACKERS (-3) over Titans

Undecided Voters

Is there any greater charade than that of the "undecided" voter this year?

First of all, the idea that any of these debates would change anyone's minds is absurd. The two candidates just spew their same PR nonsense over and over again. There are no original or fresh ideas. Also, they can't directly address each other, thus eliminating any spontaneous moments.

Now, how any person who has been alive in the last four years can possibly not have an opinion on this election is way beyond me. The President has a clear record over these last four years. He's pretty much stated that he believes he has not made any mistakes over the last four years. That should be a clear indication that any logic applied in the next four years will be like the logic applied in the last four.

Do you think this President is a strong, decisive leader or an arrogant and devisive one? These "undecided" voters have had FOUR YEARS to make up their minds on this. What makes them think they'll get any new information in the next three weeks?

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Smallville: The Year of the Shower

The WB's Smallville enters its fourth season and it's starting to wane a little bit. The ratings haven't been so strong, so the show's creators are trying to juice it up a bit by adding attractive characters (Lois Lane, Jason Teague) and I guess a little more "action."

This season, there have already been four shower scenes in the three episodes that have aired. Of those who participated? Clark, Lana, Lionel Luthor (yuck!) and a couple in this past week's "Kryp/Tuck" episode. I'm not sure what this means but let's keep an eye on this trend.

That Boston Baseball Team

As it appears that the Sawx are going to take a 2-0 lead over Anaheim, and head towards the ALCS, I have three things to say.

1) Where's the ghost of Donnie Moore? Poor guy. Someone should have told him, "At least you're not Buckner!"

2) What happens if the Sawx win it all? Then what? Suddenly, everyone LOVES the Sawx since this "could be the year" that they break the curse. But if they win, they'll be normal. Just like everyone else. Then what? It's over. No more, "I've waited so long for this, etc." Why root for the team anymore? By the way, it's not like the Sawx are these huge underdogs or anything. They still have the second highest payroll in the majors.

3) If (heaven forbid) the Sawx make it to the Series instead of the Yankees, I sure hope it's against the Astros. It would be great to see Rajah Clemens beat the Sawx in the Series!

Easily Amused

Every time I go to my New York Post bookmark to check the sports, I laugh about how I put it the folder called "News."

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I wonder... (an Iraq post)

So the top US inspector has said that there are no WMD stockpiles in Iraq.

Now, let's assume by WMD we're referring to nuclear weapons. Chemical and biological weapons, while horrible, aren't nearly as horrible as nuclear weapons.

Either way, let's say the inspectors had run their course before the US went charging in to a war.

Let's suppose that they found WMD -- what would have happened? More sanctions, more isolation and perhaps a multi-national invasion. Especially if they found nuclear weapons.

Let's suppose they didn't find WMD (the more likely scenario). Well, one option is that we would have gone to war anyways, become unpopular with much of the international community and been stuck in a quagmire as we hope to have free elections in Iraq. Sound familiar?

Another option with no WMD would have been that there would be no war at all. But Saddam Hussein probably would have still been in power. That's not so good. Also, an entire genre of books (such as those by Richard Clarke and Bob Woodward) would have never been written, cripping the political publishing industry and bookstores across the country. Also bad.

So the three outcomes:
1) War (with complete international support)
2) War (with incomplete international support -- see current war)
3) Dictator in Iraq and crippling of political punditry

As Agent Smith might say, "It's inevitable."

Thanks for playing the "What if" game. Tune in next week for "What if the Red Sox won Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS?" All I know is if that happened, the terrorists would win.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Got some change?

On the street today a guy said to me, "Hey, I just got out of prison, and I need to get out of town. Do you think you could spare some change?"

If you've been here since the beginning, then you may recall that I sort of have a problem with dishing out cash on the street.

That aside, what kind of comment is "I just got out of prison"? Is that supposed to garner sympathy or is it supposed to be a threat? Sounds like a threat to me. On the other hand, I suppose it depends on why he went to prison. Was it for violent crime? Then it would be a threat. But what if it was some dopey misdemeanor? Then perhaps it would have been for sympathy.

Either way, I didn't spare any change.

Gmail Invites

I have six gmail invites.

I can't get rid of them.

Everyone I ask doesn't need an invite, and has too many of their own.

I would offer them to strangers but I think if you haven't been invited to gmail yet, there's probably a good reason.

Corduroy

Everyone always says how corduroy is so comfortable. But the inside of corduroy clothing is never as soft as the outside. So that has made me wonder, why doesn't someone come up with the double-sided corduroy? That would be soft outside and in! Can someone get to work on that?

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Star Wars

I was just watching some of the Star Wars movies, and I was wondering if Anakin Skywalker grows six inches before he becomes Darth Vader -- after all, David Prowse the Vader actor was 6' 7", where as Hayden Christiansen is 6' 1".

Yup, I've just proved I'm a nerd with just one sentence.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

NFL Week 4

PACKERS (-7) over Giants
Jets (-6) over DOLPHINS
Eagles (-9) over BEARS
BROWNS (+3) over Redskins
Patriots (-5.5) over BILLS
Raiders (-2.5) over TEXANS
JAGUARS (+4) over Colts
STEELERS (-4.5) over Bengals
Falcons (+3.5) over PANTHERS
Saints (-3) over CARDINALS
BUCCANNEERS (+3) over Broncos
Titans (-3) over CHARGERS
Rams (-3.5) over 49ERS
RAVENS (-5.5) over Chiefs

Lot of home underdogs. That usually means a lot of upsets. That means I'm going to miss a lot of picks since I'm picking a ton of favorites. It also has just dawned on me that I haven't really paid much attention to injuries.

Is this Irony?

Yesterday I was reading Al Franken's book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. I was carrying it in a bag I own that has the FOX logo on it.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Poland Spring Part 2


In case you didn't believe me.

(I know this isn't a haiku and it's Haiku Friday, but I haven't posted a photo in a while)

Blog Update

Four hundred visits
One hundred fifty blog posts
Who knew it would last?