Happy 2005! Here's a Rant About Holidays!

It's New Year's Day! Don't forget to monitor how long after New Year's people are wishing you a "Happy New Year."

I thought it might be a good time to have a brief one-sided discussion of cool and not cool holidays.

New Year's Day. If you're a kid, cool. You get to drink champagne and stay up late to watch a dopey ball drop. If you're an adult, not cool. Don't you realize that for lots of people, this isn't really the "new year?" (Rosh Hoshanna and Chinese New Year come to mind). Not to mention, it's just a license for people who usually aren't drunk to go and overpay for drinks while getting totally smashed and act like fools.

Thanksgiving. The best holiday, perhaps. It's all about family and eating a lot. The only downside - traveling.

Christmas. Gift getting and decorations are a plus. The entire holiday industry is a minus. Also, as the Daily Show said, it's the day off from work where the non-Christians ponder the true meaning of "separation of church and state."

Valentine's Day. Let's face it. When you're single, it's a losing proposition because everyone in the world reminds you that you're single. When you're dating there's all this pressure to come up with some sort of "fun" or "creative" thing to do that day. Perhaps this is best when you're married.

St. Patrick's Day. Any holiday where alcohol is emphasized is a good one.

Easter. Colored eggs are sort of creepy. This is a strange one. It's so intrinsically religious yet the Easter Bunny is so absolutely secular.

Fourth of July. One of my "big three" holidays along with Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's just a big party all afternoon and then there's fireworks.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, Labor Day, Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Earth Day, Presidents Day. I've no quarrel with Martin Luther King Jr., Columbus, Veterans, Laborers, Mothers, Fathers, the Earth or Presidents (well, save one).

Passover. I've never been to a seder but it sort of sounds like Thanksgiving only with wine and matzah.

Halloween. Sort of like New Year's Day in that as a kid, it's great (free candy!) but as an adult sort of tired (women dress scandalously, and masked faces are somewhat unnerving). Also, another "amateur night" where those who usually don't act like idiots suddenly decide it would be a good time to.